I have started and restarted this post three times now, trying to make a little cute story for you to relate to before I get to the heart of it. But, plain and simple, I am really loving my God. I used to be really caught up in the "doing" for Him, but lately I am really feeling the "being" part of our relationship. Like He is really, really enough. When life throws me a curveball, He restores me. I stop, breathe, remind myself that He is my portion no matter what, and He "absorbs" my hurt. God even makes it possible for me to love those throwing the curveballs better, more freely. I am able to love with less expectation of being loved in return, because I know that I am not alone.
When Moses led the Hebrews out of Egypt and they were wandering around in the desert, God was physically present as their leader. He led them as a pillar of smoke in the day, and as a flame at night. If the smoke or the flame wasn't moving, neither were they. They never broke camp without His guiding them. (They could have left without Him, but it never went well.)
That is how I am trying to live my life, waiting for God to lead. Not breaking camp without Him. I am content right now, in this place, in this time, because I know that I am where God wants me. My throat is tight and my eyes are stinging, but in a really good way. I am learning to just "be" in Him, to rest in the nearness of Him, leading me by day and night.
I was thinking about the word "understand" tonight. To "stand under". To stand under the amazing beauty of His love. I am understanding it better than ever lately, and it takes my breath away.
Here is a song by the David Crowder Band that says it all. Close your eyes and listen, let the words of truth wash over you. You are Loved.