I came across some meeting notes from last year with prayer requests scrawled across the bottom. My request was for direction.
Huh. My request at the meeting the other day was for direction. And a few months ago. Am I really like a compass without a magnet, or have I just lost my way? I asked some friends the other day that I serve with if sometimes they just want to be "normal." Mind you, I know that normal is a loaded word. One person's normal is another person's worst nightmare.
What I was trying to say, without actually saying it, is don't you ever just want to be anonymous and without responsibilities. Sometimes I feel like God has saddled me down with dreams, hopes, and visions that I have no idea how to achieve. Saddled is not the most gracious word I realize, but that's how I was feel sometimes. Burdened. I am wrecked for the average normal, because I know there is so much more to life. I've seen the freedom that waits for the soul bound by failure, shame, and fear, and I have no idea what to do with it. I am burdened by the awareness of the lost that surround me.
"Just tell me what to do, God. Work on the book? Work on the event You've given me the vision for? Update my bio sheet? Just send me and I'll go."
Burdened. Tired. Weary. Out of sorts and cranky. Generally just a mess, with a smile and a laugh on most days.
Then I hear His voice offering the direction I long for..."Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
Wait...isn't the rest for those who don't know You yet? Aren't I supposed to be leading them to You?
I think back to Mary and Martha, and my heart too is troubled about many things. I've made much ado about the tasks at hand, the opportunities yet to become realities, and let the relationship take a back seat.
Once again, I reach out, take His Hand, and slow down. Rest awhile in the sunshine with Him, and know this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.