According to Henry Blackaby, I am having a crisis of belief. A crisis does not necessarily mean a calamity or a disaster. It means a place of having to make a decision. A crisis of belief leads one to decide if God is who He is and if we are going to believe Him. It's a crossroads.
I think about Noah, told to be an ark for an event the world had never seen: rain. As he was gathering supplies, did he have a running conversation with himself about whether or not this ark would be necessary. Or did he just keep going, his eyes set on the word of the Lord as it came to him?
The resolution of a crisis of belief leads one to faith and action. And, also according to Blackaby, I can't stay where I am and go where God wants me to go. Obedience is key.
I've had the galley proofs for my book sitting in my computer for 2 1/2 weeks as I go through the final read of those. I have to eventually sign off on them, stating that there will be no further revisions necessary without paying a bijillion dollars.
And that, kids, is where I am apparently having a crisis of belief. Or anxiety attack.
I never knew this process would be so hard. I wish I had a more creative word for you...daunting, overwhelming, something...but hard is where it's at.
So let's look to the evidence of moving forward...faith and action.
Not faith in myself, but faith in God. And not faith in God to make me a million bucks, but faith in God to use this work for His glory. Since I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that He has called me to this, I need to keep focus there. Francesca Battistelli said it almost as well as Isaiah when she sang "When I fix my eyes on all that you are, all my doubts grow strangely dim." Or the Isaiah version, 26:3 "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast on You."
Action...butt-in-chair time. Get it done for the last time and hit send. No excuses.
We keep hearing this message...obedience costs. And I'm digging in the pockets of my jeans looking for loose change to cover it, when the One who is POWER alone is standing in front of me saying "Why do you think this is all up to you?"
I believe, Lord. Help my unbelief.