I dreamt that I was in a room like a hotel room, with two double beds, but I knew it was where I lived. It just looked like a hotel room. My first husband was sleeping in one of the beds, and I was in the other one with a guy who used to be a boyfriend. A boyfriend from my unfaithful days.
Did I just hear you say "Oh"?
Kind of puts a new twist on it. Stay with me here, because God has used my infidelity to illustrate something we desperately need to be aware of.
Anyway, I was laying in the wrong bed, and I kept looking over to make sure my husband was still asleep. Sometimes it would seem like he was looking, but he never said anything, so I figured he was oblivious. Conflicting emotions ran through my mind...I shouldn't be here, this would break his heart if he knew, I don't want to leave because I like it here...in my dream, I never left the wrong bed.
As the sleep cleared from my brain, the dream lingered. Actually, lingered is too nice a word. It sat on my chest, making it hard to breathe. My dream was not just a reminder of my past, it speaks to my present, and yours. Before you get all twitchy and tell me your not being unfaithful, let me challenge you.
God so clearly gave me the picture of what being in the wrong bed means. Every time we choose the world, or flesh, as we like to call it, we are sleeping with the enemy. He knows where we are, and it breaks His heart. As in the book of Hosea, when he is called to marry the whore (His word, not mine), God uses that as an illustration of Israel's unfaithfulness. When we chase other lovers, such as recognition, being right, the approval of others, at the expense of what we know God wants for us, we are in bed with the devil. When we thank the world for our money, possessions, and successes, we are thanking a lover, not our Husband. He has given us everything, and it grieves His heart to not be acknowledged for His goodness. We are no better than the woman Hosea was told to marry.
In spite of it all, He still wants us as His bride. Hear His words to Israel, to Hosea's wife, to us:
And I will take you for my wife forever; I will take you for my wife in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will take you for my wife in faithfulness; and you shall know the LORD. Hosea 2:19-20It shames me to know how I have treated my Husband, and that He still wants me. All I can do is confess to Him what He already knows, turn away from my own propensity for wickedness, and fall on His grace. Such a picture I will carry with me of His mercy. O Lord, give me a heart that is faithful to You alone.