Friday, November 11, 2011

Trust In Relationships

A friend apologized after Mom Time for texting during my lesson. Actually, I hadn't noticed, but I would not have been upset with her because I trust her. If I had noticed, my first thought would have been "I hope everything is ok." We have built a relationship on mutual respect; to be upset before knowing the details would not have been fair to her or our friendship.

Someone has been irritated with me on and off lately...I know, right?! Each time has been due to a misunderstanding or misperception, but here is the deeper question: What does this person really think of me? Do they believe I am a person who would do the things they think I did?

Instead of being angry back or launching into defense mode, I consider where they are coming from. What irritates us or hurts our feelings often speaks to what is going on in our hearts. When this person was irritated at me last time, it was because she felt hurt and left out, which speaks to a deeper insecurity and loneliness that I know this person carries because we have talked about it.

Dr. Henry Cloud spoke on relationships at Women of Faith, and he said that when people don't behave as we want them to, it really isn't their problem, it is our problem. We are in charge of our reactions and feelings. If dogs barking and kids fighting really bug you, the problem is not with the dog and the kids. Our responsibility, no matter what, is to live in a manner that glorifies God. Lashing out in anger does not produce the righteousness of God.

What do we do on a practical level? We pause, considering the other person's perspective, while not owning it, practicing humility and gentleness. The Bible reminds us to live in peace with everyone as far as it depends on us (Romans 12:18), and the first step of that is giving someone the benefit of the doubt.


  1. Wow.. recently I was talking to my Aunt about an issue with my brother. We don't see eye to eye. "I" think he should be more respectful. "I" think he needs to grow up. He thinks of no one but himself. And she pointed out that even though all the things I said are true (she knows him very well) it seems as if it boils down to ...he just doesn't do things my way. Hmph??! Don't you just love to be put in your place??? Yes, I a a control freak and God is helping me to break myself it is just taking some!. She was right in saying that because he is very different than I am and he thinks very highly of himself. But, that doesn't seem to bother him in the least. But it REALLY bothers me. Does he care that it drives me crazy? Does he care about anyone but himself? No, not in the slightest. The only person I am hurting is me. The only person that gets aggravated is me? Then, why do I allow it to get to me. My prayer is that God would help me to accept him for who he is and realize that every time I let him get to me its a win for satan. Cause he will do what he can to cause defeat in my life. So when someone gets to you, maybe just maybe they could care less. So why do it to yourself?? Its really not worth it, is it???