By the time you are done reading this, you will know just how neurotic and over-thinky I am. But maybe you will see a little bit of yourself and find the encouragment to take your next step.
In my previous post, Where's Your Bar?, I talked about my fears of having my bar set too low. I like a challenge, but only if I'm sure I can conquer it, which, by definition, probably means it isn't a challenge at all.
So what is all the hype about?
I am going to do the NaNoWriMo contest.
This has nothing to do with Mork from Ork, if you are old enough to remember that. It is a commitment to write 50,000 words in the month of November. The hard part is, they have to be different words, haha. Essentially, I will be writing a rough, rough draft of my novel.
I can hear the characters that live in the box in my head celebrating. They will be so relieved to see the light of day; they have been rolling around in there for a few years, my whole life actually. Each one is an extension of myself and my journey, so you may not like all of them. That's ok.
My angst has come from two different directions. One, do I have what it takes to complete this mission? 50,000 boils down to roughly 1,667 words per day. An average blog post is about 400 words, and I can't even manage a daily post.
Secondly, I try to live my life to serve and glorify God. This doesn't feel "tangible" to me. Locked away with my laptop for the majority of my time takes me out of the loop a bit. It almost feels selfish to do. (Are you starting to see my neurotic side?)
But here's the thing: it is not up to me. I feel 100% that this is where God wants me. It's scary because it's unlike anything I've ever done before, but to think I can do it on my own takes God out of the picture. I don't to be anywhere that He isn't. Scripture tells us that in our weakness He is strong. I bring plenty of weakness to the table, so He will be magnificent.
Each time I've started down the road of "NO", Ephesians 3:20 showed up in my in-box. He can do more than anything I can ask or imagine, but not if I don't take that first step. He's not going to do the writing for me without me sitting at the computer. I at least need to show up.
In processing through this, I've been chatting with others who have stepped up to a challenge. My sister has been adding to her nursing degree steadily over the last few years. Today she finishes her Bachelor's Degree in nursing and in a few months starts grad school, all while working full time. Scary, but she's doing it, one step at a time.
My friend Shelley has gone for her real estate license, muddling through the online course since April and passed her test a few days ago. She saw what she wanted and went for it.
My friend Melanie Dorsey is stepping out in a big way in Florida, video taping a Bible study that she wrote after losing her son to brain cancer. She does everything By His grace and for His glory. Words to live by.
We each have our thing that makes us quake and reconsider. Are you going to live in the land of What if...? Or, are you going to take the next step?