Sunday, February 24, 2013

Diving in the Shallow End

Sometimes I joke about the depths of my shallowness, but today I realized it's no joke. God used a haircut to reveal some things to me, and it ain't pretty. I mean, the haircut's ok, according to my husband and a few friends, but that doesn't really matter.

What matters is that a haircut stole my joy. I lost my mojo yesterday when I didn't communicate clearly with my hairdresser, along with three more inches than I'd planned. Since it's taken me about two years to fully grow out my last round of short-hair-itis, this kind of irks me. I don't feel pretty, and no, I'm not fishing for a compliment so don't feel obligated to tell me I look cute. I'm realizing just how shallow my identity is as a woman in Christ.

Can anyone else relate?

Yes, I know this whole mojo-stealing haircut comes across as incredibly shallow and petty, and I wonder how those who have serious issues, like breast robbing cancer and other life-altering experiences, handle things.

I took my pouty face to church this morning, looking for a spark, something to reignite the fire, and didn't find one. I came home from church and, while walking a grateful dog, God had a chat with me.

"What if I took everything that you think makes you special? What if you couldn't write? What if you were faceless and anonymous in the crowd? What if I took your titles and roles? What then? Who would you be?"

I know the right answer is "Still me, because of You." And sometimes we say the right answer because we know we're supposed to, not because we're feeling it.

I know better. I know the truth. So today, and tomorrow, and as long as it takes, I am praying that He be a consuming fire in my life. Take everything that gets in the way of remembering who I am. Forgive me my shallowness. Thank You for using a haircut to reveal what lies below the surface of my heart, hidden by a superficial facade.

If you find yourself diving in the shallow end, if circumstances are dictating how you feel about yourself, join me in praying for deep faith, hope that radiates joy to the rest of the world, and love that sets you on fire to reach the world for Him. Amen.

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