Today I will throw away a ham, and it sickens me. It fills me with shame to see the amount of food we waste at my house. Lately, cleaning out my refrigerator has become a spiritual journey.
This isn't financially driven, although I realize that we could be better stewards of our money by buying only what we need and cooking only what we will eat, but this goes deeper and I'm not sure what to do with it.
The ham is just icing on the cake. It was a good price, so I bought two, intending to do some freezer cooking with it. It was such a good price, I thought about picking up another one for a family I know, but I didn't. Probably five times I walked past the ham case and ignored the little voice that said pick one up for so and so. When it became clear that I wasn't going to cook the extra ham at my house, the little voice said bring it to so and so.
"No time, little voice." I said. "Besides, I might use it."
I checked the date on the ham yesterday, the ham that sits in our extra refrigerator next to the deep freezer so I have lots of room to store our bounty.
It expired February 22nd. And I was tempted to google just how spoiled is spoiled and see if someone still wanted it. Ugh...
This is not guilt talking. This is flat out conviction.
This is also the beginning of awareness, and it is not a bad thing if, and only if, I don't drown out the voice with "do-gooding." God is not asking me to go buy a new ham and give it away so we can be even. We can never be even with God.
Sometimes, God leads us to new territory by opening our eyes to what He sees. I don't know what this awareness will lead to, but God has a plan for it.
I read a Blueprint for Life devotion on generosity this morning that you can click here to read. The author makes some key points about what giving looks like, what we can give, and what we can't. But even typing this, I don't think my food fetish is about generosity, although that isn't a bad place to go with it.
I realize that not everyone is being tweaked in the same way I am, but I know that God is opening your eyes to something, somewhere. Don't quench the Spirit. Don't shy away from what He is trying to show you because it will lead to His purpose for you, whatever that looks like.
Now, I've got a ham to deal with before it explodes in my fridge.
Prayer: God, forgive me for not listening to You. Lord, open my eyes to what You want me to see. Break my heart in a new way, but please God, don't leave me there. Free me to be a person who glorifies You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
New thought to ponder...I always preview my post before I hit publish, and as I was reading, God whispered "grace" to me. Maybe this has to do with not understanding the grace that God wants to pour into my life. I am squandering it, wasting it. I'm not going to fret about understanding it though, because I know that God is wanting me to get it a million times more than I want to get it, and He will make the way.