Connor is going to be five years old in a few weeks. If you saw my video, he is the crying baby I referred to. He still is the crying baby, but in a high-strung, anxiety attack waiting to happen sort of way. When I came home from the Women's Retreat he said he was glad I was home because he's a momma's boy. Now I wonder which of his older siblings told him that. He whistles all the time, which is impressive for a four year old. But the reason he does it makes me sad. He whistles so nothing scary can get to him. He also shouts when he is in a room by himself for the same reason. He is scaring stuff away. His quirks have made me think about my own defense mechanisms, what they are and what they should be.
When I am nervous or unsure, I try to micro-manage the situation. (Read: control freak) If I am nervous about the path one of my older children is on, I try to get them to spend every minute with me. That way I know they are not getting into trouble. I know the better way would be to pray for them and turn it over to God. If I am upset with the way something in my own life is going, I stew over it. Which, apparently, is not the same as meditating. For some reason, Connor's tricks brought to mind the scriptures that tell us to write God's word upon our hearts so we can draw upon them all the time. "Make me to know your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth, and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation." Psalm 25:4-5