Friday, April 29, 2011

Wardrobe Malfunctions

What Not To Wear mumbles along on the tv while I try to ignore it, in search of a deeper thought. But as I listen without trying, I hear this week's "client" talk about her go-to outfit, the one she grabs when there isn't time to think about what to wear. I start to think about my "go-to" outfit, the me I slip into when I am not actively thinking about who I am.

And I must say, I am not pleased with my choices. Sometimes I grab that "victim" wrap, the giant cloak that I can hide inside. Ask me how I'm doing and you might hear a litany of long-suffering humble patience, which actually lacks humility and patience. I get tired of dealing with the same old issues, and hope wears thin sometimes. I catch myself complaining under the guise of enduring for the glory that God has in store, but it's still complaining.

Sometimes I clothe myself in the "git-er done" outfit. Capable, self-sufficient, go big or go home, I say with bravado. Mostly though, I just wonder how much is enough. How do I know the difference between what I want and what God wants? What if He doesn't want "big" at all? This is an outfit I choose carefully, afraid of failing. How will I know failure from success if I don't know what the goal is in the first place?

We don't always get to choose the roles we will play in this life, but we do always get to choose our clothes. I look to God sometimes to change circumstances, but He is waiting for me to figure out what to wear to the party He has invited me to. He offers me a closet full of precious adornments, a closet where everything is guaranteed to fit when I look in His mirror. Colossians 3 reminds me to clothe myself in humility, genuine humility not the complaining kind. Meekness is always in fashion, which doesn't mean weak, but strength under control. Yes, I am capable of getting something done but it might not be mine to do. Sit back and wait for direction.

I am a student of the Word, but just knowing what it says isn't enough. The Word must be allowed to dwell, to live, to grow, and to thrive in me before you will see it as my "go-to" outfit. For now, when you see me out, picture me in a bright orange construction vest and a yellow hard hat, with a little caution tape trialing behind, like a true work in progress. And when you see me wearing one of my less flattering ensembles, consider it a wardrobe malfunction of someone who has not yet grown into her clothes.