Have you ever wanted something so bad but the decision wasn't yours alone to make? I realize that most decisions are like that since none of us inhabits our own planet, but some things really need to have buy-in from all parties. Like having kids...one should never set out to make a baby to "surprise" someone with. Trust me, I've done that one. Or selling a house while your spouse is out of town to buy the one down the street. True story...not mine.
Anyway, some decisions, no matter how passionately we feel, are not ours alone to make. When Connor was 2, I wanted to add to our family. The next oldest sibling was 11 and I wanted him to have someone closer in age to pick on and grow up with. My husband was already a little overwhelmed with the instant parenthood that came with marrying me, a mom with three kids, and the honeymoon surprise Connor. Life had hit him right between the eyes and the thought of adding another child was more than he could consider.
I was attending Starting Point, a class for new believers, and decided to challenge God a little. Not challenge in the "do this or else" sort of way, but just to challenge in the sense of letting him know the desire of my heart and leave it in His hands. I promised not to manipulate the situation or whine and beg, but just to pray.
About six weeks later I was standing in the bathroom, staring at the blue stick in disbelief. I was excited and nervous all at the same time, and ultimately peed on five blue sticks just to make sure. Not sure of the reaction this blessed news would receive, I savored it by myself for a couple of days.
I remember standing in the driveway, watching Rob cut the grass, feeling apprehensive about telling him, like I'd done something wrong. God spoke to me so clearly, reminding me that this was His plan for us and that we were in this together. He was giving me the desire of my heart.
I'd be lying if I said Rob was excited right away, but it didn't take long for anticipation to replace the fear. Justin is the spitting image of daddy, and the two share a special bond.
When I look at Justin, I see evidence of God's faithfulness. He is the fruit of the first decision that I left comletely up to God. There have been others since that didn't go the way I wanted them to, but that doesn't diminish God's faithfulness in my life, it just means that I wasn't seeing the plan through His eyes.
Today, March 5th, is the fifth birthday of my fifth child, my little answer to prayer. Happy Birthday, little buddy!