I stand in the doorway to the bedroom, staring at his back, as he stares at the tv, unaware of my presence. "Getting in the shower," I say, breaking his concentration on the constantly running scroll on the news channel. "8:30 service...?" I head to the bathroom, letting the question hang in the air, focusing my energy and my thoughts on the Only One who can change a heart and remind myself that I am not his Holy Spirit. I remind myself that he will be won over by an example of gentleness, not harping, and focus on the good things. I will stand in the gap, knowing that God is at work.
I listen to her voice cracking on the phone, the pit threatening to rise up and take her under yet again. Reality is a dish much like revenge, often served cold. I offer the only Hope I can give, not a change of circumstance but a change of perspective, knowing the difference that He will make in her heart if only she would open the door. I know there is a scripture out there about praying for someone before they were able to do it for themselves, and resolve to have faith for her. I will stand in the gap, knowing that God is at work.
I am standing in that place between belief and faith, between knowledge and application. I think that is the loneliest place of all...like looking at the cure but refusing to take it. Not because it won't work, but because you don't think you need it. Not yet. "When does 'yet' come?" I ask softly in my head, not trusting my voice because it might come out like a scream.
He stood behind me for a long time...I ignored Him. I would like to pretend I didn't know He was there, but I knew. I just wasn't sure why He would want to hang out with someone like me. I will remember that I am not standing in the gap alone, that He is with me, waiting.
For as long as it takes.