Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Spinning my Wheels

Do you ever feel like you are trying too hard? Trying too hard to live the way God wants you to? Trying too hard to be everything to everyone? Trying too hard to be something you aren't for that time frame? This could be a pity party, but I think I'm having a "grass is greener over the fence" kind of day. The only good news is that I don't see anyone's grass looking any better than mine.

I would like to make a deep connection through my Bible study with what the Lord has in my mind for me, but the attention span isn't there today. I would like to get some scrapbooking done, but the desire isn't really there. I am pretty sure I would like to make some cards, but I don't really feel like cutting the paper to do it. I had a conversation with a friend to day about getting overwhelmed by any amount of free time. I get so excited to have a few hours each week with only one child that I make all these plans in my head about what I'm going to do. Then I don't actually do anything because I couldn't make up my mind or get started. Next thing I know it's time to get Connor and I missed my chance until next week.

I try so hard to do something that I fail at doing anything. Which begs the question, am I setting the wrong goals?I am just having a wheel-spinning, unsettled time right now. Let's hope that it's not age/hormone related or we are in for a long ride.
Follow-up: 10/2
As I was leaving for NEST after dinner (which I skipped in lieu of a cup of coffee which I ended up spilling all over my husband's dinner anyway), I couldn't help but laugh. I definitely live in a boy's house. Connor and Justin both had their shirts off and were perfecting the fine art of armpit toots. Then, as I was driving to the church, I prayed that God would show me that He loves me in spite of myself and my sorry attitude. I got out of the car and saw a beautiful rainbow in the field across the street. I couldn't help but cry. It was like God putting His arm around me and letting me lean on His shoulder for a minute. Probably need to seek after that more often.


  1. No, it's not a long ride. God is working on you--and we never stay stagnant for long when we are walking with Him. It is just that perfectionist thing settling in--just plan less things--maybe one or two. I'll pray for you! By the way, I tagged you!

  2. I have never read a description of what I feel sometimes so clearly written...wanting to do so many things in limited freetime that you don't do anything. That is me a lot...

    I do find that I need to just relax during those time rather than try to plan a project.